This time of year, this specific day out of a whole year, out the 365 days that make a year what it is tends to bring with it a shit ton of emotions for me. I imagine it does the same for a number of you too.
Why is that?
We think about our days, everyday I imagine; so why is this one day so freaking emotional?
I'm guessing that I am probably supposed to impact some sage advice, pearls of wisdom I got from my Nana, or basically answer the damn question here, but alas, I do not know the answer. I don't know why.
It seems like commonsense that this tinge of sadness may be because we are mostly taking stock of the happenings of a year that's coming to a close. A year that's slinking away with a half wicked smile on it's face, the year that's like "phew, see ya never! Glad to be done with that." But, again I ask: why this one day?
Ok, here's what I think:
I think it's because we've been told that we should forge forward everyday of our lives and not look back, because looking back is for lack of a better phrase "a bad thing."
You wanna look back at your life at the end of it and marvel at all the wonderful accomplishments you've had, not before then. And, while yer at it: NO REGRETS! 'cause you know, you're perfect and all and you're living your best life, goddammit. Feeling the slightest sense of regret would be a travesty!
I believe (like everyone else, I suppose) that looking back at the end of the year is a mini form of this end of life evaluation -- this notion of taking stock, or at least a representation of it. Because, as humans, we have a need to look back: ask Lot's wife (if you're a member of the Christian or Judaic religions) and if get a chance to visit her (in her current state) please resist the temptation to taste the salt, will yer. That's just disrespectful, and unsanitary.
Ok, back to the matter at hand: recollections, i.e. taking stock:
On paper, 2018 was a great year.
I got married to my best friend -- it was a lovely wedding :)
I finished my short film Utopia, and it's been wonderful watching it make its festival run.
I got to travel to places I've never been to before as a result, met some amazing humans, and learned a lot about myself. No... sexually, I've always known who I am ;)) Outside of that, who the f*ck knows!
Ok, I digress. Taking stock:
I have so much love and support from my dad and from my husband, and I am beyond grateful for them.
The members of my family are well and I'm in good health too (I do however, need to start working out and dieting.)
And, of course, there's Orlando :)
Those are the big things...
The little things, the little moments -- they're countless. Countless, because they are many, but also because I'm sure I missed a lot of them and I am forgetful (it's terrible and I really need to figure out a way to fix that.)
Although 2018 was a beautiful year in many ways for me, I know it was a sad year for many; and I'd like to acknowledge that by taking a moment of silence...
So, on to 2019 we go: heads up, a smile on our faces and hope in our hearts.
May it be a beautiful year for you, me, all of us.
PS: Yup, as always: sharing is caring. But, I'm going to leave you with one more thing today --
In his ‘Ode on Melancholy’ (1820), John Keats writes: ‘Ay, in the very temple of Delight, / Veil’d Melancholy has her sovran shrine’. Pain and joy are two sides of the same coin – both are necessary for a fully lived life.